No One Is Coming To Save you
I understand that some of you may find this aggressive and possibly extreme but this is my internal dialogue that I have decided to share with you. This dialogue keeps me sharp and active so that I don't fall victim to complacency. Comfort is my greatest fear at this time and I will fight it until it submits to my dreams. Every man's success can only be defined the man himself. Society decides only what you allow it to:
The previous video post was a poem by Dylan Thomas. It is a strong invocation for us to live boldly and to fight. It implores us to not just "go gentle into that good night," but to rage against it. Even at the end of life, when "grave men" are near death, the poem instructs us to burn with life. The poem's meaning is life affirming.
To understand where Lobo Savage found his flame you must look in the pediatric oncology ward of Baptist hospital. It is not until a man finds out no flame is forever burning that he can truly blaze his brightest. Life is a thing we take very lightly. No one is born taking themselves too seriously. Usually, it takes an epic event for us to check ourselves as humans and truly assess what we might be capable of. Cancer was my moment of clarity. It was the event that God used to tell me "Boy, Get Right or Get Left". It was a moment for life. The perfect opportunity to step outside myself and look at how far I'd come and compare it to how far I needed to go.
No need to go too much into detail on my medical situation but what you must understand is this was a time when I realized life was attempting to out my flame. Life had me weak and defeated and as it seemed there was no more life in me, I realized I hadn't come close to my potential. I always had some spunk, always kept enough fight for me to maintain but I had never unleashed the beast because it wasn't what proper gentleman did. I had attempted to fall in between the lines. Somewhere between civilized and completely savage, I made my home. Too unsatisfied to be normal but, too respectful of my elders to throw it all away on big risks.
When faced with a decision like mine only three choices fight, flight, or pray for a good night. You either lean on faith, lean on hope, or stand up and feel the glory of your own weight. Many people find things in life that help them wake up every morning and push forward. A dependent spouse, a helpless child, or a sickly elder. Whatever your reason I hope a major reason you act as you do lies in that thing that makes you "You". A man who acts in the name of others is not a man he is simply a self-proclaimed representative. A perfect example is men who claim they act in the name of God. Would God claim your actions? That's the real question. Criminals say they do it for their family. Both God and the families of those committing atrocities would disown these false representatives if they knew what these deranged men were up to. So to separate myself from the masses I decided long ago to stand on my own two feet. I lean on no man, woman, or child. I don't sit inside a church on Sunday listening to a pastor preach about the plans God has for me. My relationship with God became real inside my hospital room. He spoke to me and said "Do you my boy, cause at the end of this suffering they call life you will only have yourself to hold responsible for the good and the bad that has consumed you. The small raft you float on is your own. Over time you will find shipmates and you will build a larger vessel but, those who sail with you, sail on their own accord. These men do not follow you, they join you in search of their own glory. " It is with these words that I realized it was time to lay waste to the "Messiah Mentality". No one was coming to save me like an overly protective parent. I was seventeen years old and given a sickness which doctors said was a random incident which I could not have avoided by changing any of my previous life choices. I am the product of my own choices. I am the result of my life's decisions. No one knows how my story will end, and only my parents can be credited with giving life to my flame. I won my most important battle before I was even born. Fighting more than 100 million of my brothers and sisters just to get a chance at life. Considering their possible contributions to this world, I have a lot to get done in order to prove my first fight wasn't luck.
The messiah mentality was brought to me by the hand me downs of the slave era. Slave Masters introduced Christianity to their slaves (it is my belief) to keep them in line. The idea that a messiah would come to your rescue was a very comforting concept. It is the methods by which Christianity was spread that cause me to doubt its founders' relationship with God(All religions have individuals who misunderstood the message). The Slaves prayed to the European version of Jesus to end their anguish. Sadly, the ghost of slavery still haunts the world of today. Black churches were created as a safe haven for " the second class citizens"(as we were considered) to pray away their problems. I am not against the religious masses I don't see the sense in constant begging. My version of God is one of strength and action. My God wants me to " Get up, get out, and get something". It was the Vikings who believed they must earn their place in Valhalla. Christians believe a life of obedience will earn them a place inside the pearly gates. The death of my faith in someone coming to save me was the birth of my urge to earn my place in the sky. In this life mothers and fathers are proud of their children's achievements and disappointed in their transgressions. If your transgressions outweigh your achievements you end up being labeled a disappointment. In my eyes, God, the father of our existence sends disappointments to the land of the damned or Hell as some may call it. The successful earn a place at the table in the sky. If your ability to reach your potential determined your eternal damnation how would you approach life?
Beyond my goals lies immortality. If I fail there will be no pardons. There are no A's for effort in my world. People find their truest form in stressful situations. When it's life or death you find out who you truly are. People ask why is everything so intense to me? It's because I refuse to roam eternity with the damned. "It's not that serious Josh!" Yes, it is! Any man or woman that boarded my vessel is my responsibility. I will not fail the "Sons of Savageland"(My shipmates). This ship will dock in the promise land. Survival is just the first chapter. Savagery is unleashing the beast that lies within. A mere man cannot accomplish what the ethereal beast was put here to do. The beast is that piece of you science can't explain. The 21 grams that Dr. Duncan MacDougall spoke of.
My beast has been unleashed and he refuses to ever be caged again. I will not keep calm to comfort others. I will not bow to the requests of others simply to become the man they claim I need to. Many people have ideas of who I need to be or who I should be but sadly they do not realize the ship has already sailed. I am traveling on the waters of the world in search of my destiny, not the destiny you've created for me. If you don't think on the same scale as me you will never be able to imagine the world I am forging for my kind. You are bound by limits you set for yourself. Your boundaries lie where you place them. Don't speak to me of the cage you'd like me to exist in. The average man builds these barriers too close to his current position. I am the man living by the saying " A man who pushes his boundaries ultimately finds them". I choose to LYM in this life, I leave that "exist" thing to the obedient waiting for a treat from their false Idols. So when you see me raging daily just think back on what you read today. Every day is a testament, Lobo Savage will not go gently into that good night because he is raging against the dying of the light. To out my candle, you're going to need more than this world has to offer. Until next time keep it LYM!